Ashley Wynn

a guide for routine during times of grieving and loss

For my first entry, this is not the destination post I expected to make, but what could be a more important destination to share than the one our loved ones will forever go.

So the Zurichs, Tulums, Romes and Londons..with their buildings and rivers and ruins that were there before us, and will be there after us, will have to wait and..that’s okay.

Grief has rooted in my chest for the past three years with the loss of my Uncle to suicide and my (grand)Dad to time. It has all culminated in a day that I knew would come, but not quite so soon, with the loss of my life partner, Travis. I understand that loss is a part of every human and living being’s experience, and no two losses are the same or affect each of us the same, but I hope this routine of things I have done on this path to reconnect my mind body and soul in each day of the immediate aftermath can help someone else get through the seconds, hours and days too.

night before

Alarm: 11 pm & 7am
I kept my Apple wind down and sleep schedule alarm on during this week I am working from home. I have found it is helping my body clock retain some normalcy; even though I am allowing myself to go to back to sleep following my first few routine things.
Emails: Schedule send for 8am
Write simple emails, respond to any urgent ones. Scheduling appears proactive and you wake up feeling as if something is already done.

morning

Drink: 8 oz of water
Drink: Additional 8 oz of water with electrolytes
Mine are linked on end of post carousel. They are grapefruit flavor but are more like pink lemonade. These ones have sodium, potassium, magnesium and no sugar. Magnesium is really helping my emotional regulation.
Green Tea: Avoid Coffee
I thought I could still do coffee, the rush of caffeine felt like things were going much too fast to process. Green tea is helping me steadily stay in motion.
Supplements: Turmeric to calm down, Cinnamon to aide with natural serotonin release
Breakfast: Protein. Get.it.in.
I’ve been able to think through making eggs and bacon, greek yogurt with handfull of cheerios and any fruit, or oatmilk with banana and protein powder for a smoothie to spoon at. Overnight oats are also very helpful to prep the night before and have ready!
Sobriety: I use the I Am Sober app
This free app lets you customize anything you want to monitor or break an addiction to. You can find community and receive daily milestones. They’re small, but milestones are milestones.
Bible: I use Bible app
It has less than 5 minute devotional plans. Helps get some word in any way I can. It’s very hard for me to accept information at the moment, but I find in very small doses things are resonating. The book of Job has come to me and helped greatly.
Mediatation: Somatic Therapy with Vagus Nerve Stimulation Sounds (free youtube resources)

midday

Alarm: 10am
Allow myself another rest period. Wake up and answer the replies to the schedule sent emails.
Drink: 8 oz water
Pilates: 20 minutes
I received the at home reformer linked below and it is so soothing! There are endless free beginner videos on youtube. The variety has been very good for reconnecting with my body in a soft practice.
Treadmill: 20 minutes
The at home treadmill I have used throughout the pandemic also has given me a routine outlet of soft mobility during the workday. I put it on a 2.5-3.5 for 20 minutes while multitasking on my desk and feel a lot of anxiety released after.
Sauna: 20 minutes
I drive there. This has been the only time I leave the house, and that’s okay right now. Forcing yourself with one small task outside is important. Don’t let social media fool you, it’s fine to look messy at the gym. Just go. For me, retaining one small task to drive to has been integral because when my brain and decision-making got so overwhelmed I could feel a fear of driving and being in public developing.
Shower: Dry Brushing
Try dry brushing your whole body from feet up in a circular motion towards the heart. It helps circulation and cleans out dead skin cells. You’ll feel soft, new and breathe deeper.
Eat: 4 pm
I’ve been eating a high carb and protein meal around 4 pm so I don’t forget to fully not eat the whole day.

night

Chamomile Tea
Shows: Light hearted, Comforting and Differing Perspective shows
Loot, Ted Lasso and ‘Rise’ the Simone Biles documentary have comforted and got me out of my own perspective and struggles in this time.
Skin Care: Red light therapy
I am enjoying using a red light therapy mask with my serum and sleeping with a thicker moisturizer on. My skin texture is all over the place from dry to puffy right now. It helps to take 10minutes to calm down with some soothing things and waking up smoother and breakout free skin.
Bed Time: Routine
If you’re fortunate enough to have a pet/child/partner to have a routine with, there’s so much comfort to see them respond positively to rituals together. To have a being to be dependable to just helps immensely. And in return, my bed time routine with my cat, Maybelle, gives me the certainty that I too am not alone.

anytime

Talk: Don’t Push People Away
For me, telling friends where I’m at and how I’m feeling; even when I’m worried that I’ll never get past this, has been important in not bottling up the pain. Also being able to send anything at all at anytime that makes me laugh again and remember how it felt when times were more normal helps me and them to not worry so much for me.
Speak Positively: Say nice things to yourself
I don’t believe any of it at the moment, and that’s okay. I don’t have to believe the nice and positive things I’m being told, the encouraging quotes I’ve been sent, the truth in the scripture about struggles and God’s greater plan. But, you are what you consume and it just takes time. Slowly each day with this routine of exposure to positive things, my panic attacks and moments when I feel my chest is crumbling are less and less frequent.